Frontside and Backside Ball Mash: A How To Recover

Mashed my balls on a handrail today. it was a flat rail, no stairs involved. Funny thing was, I wasn't smith grinding it or 50-50 ing it, or even boardsliding it. The trick started like this:

Sometimes I like to hang in the backyard with a beer. Sometimes I like to hang in the backyard with a beer after Mrs. Smitty has already gone to bed. The door to the back yard is in our bedroom. Rather than risk waking the Mrs. I often take the passageway to the rear yard through the front of the house. Since there is a locked gate some ten or so feet from the front door, I just hop the railing on the porch to access the rear yahard. Then I finish my beer and try not to freak out when I see a gnarly family of racoons.

When I reapproach the porch und railing to enter thru the front door I always mash my ballls. I just did it like fifteen minutes ago and only now am I recovering.

I hucked one leg over the rail then proceeded to "Chopper... Squish Balls". It's a difficult trick to remember but not an easy one to forget.

There is some pretty serious downtime and consequential radical rehabilitation that is necessary after executing such a maneuver.

1. I recommend putting together a new board. Put it together and force yourself to go skate, even if it's 96 degrees out with mega-high humidity.

2. Don't drink too many beers. It might seem like a great idea and ultimately, it is. But... Just don't start drinking before noon. Make that 3:00 PM. And have some food. Eat some food, man.

3. Skate the handrail instead of straddling it without one. If you're gonna scrape scrotum, you should be doing it on a skateboard.

4. Or maybe you should be doing it on the top of your couch whilst lisening to your fave dance tunes. That would be more soft and comfortable.

5. Don't trust anyone who doesn't ride a skateboard to give you advice on recovering from a skate related injury. First of all, they can't ollie. Second, they think a McTwist is a choco-vanilla soft serve cone from McDonald's. It actually might be called that. I hope it is.

Bottom line, they are going to think you're an idiot for hurting yourself slappy grinding a three inch high curb instead of getting a concussion playing two hand touch football.

6. Drink some beer and write some poems. If you're not into beer... drink a few Dr. Peppers and open up your soul. Open it up to anyone who gives a damn. Which is positively no one.

That's a positive though, bro.

&. Start riding a fixed gear track bike. (Knee rehabilitate) Great for the knees if you don't worry about trying to ride backwards and track stand and skid and be flashy. Just ride it from pointy A to point B at a slow and steady pace. I swear it's made my knees stronger. Not weaker. Stronger. You will look better riding the bike in tighter clothing.

8. Start eating better and just get over yourself. Next time you do the Ball Mash you can do it with some energy and a little color in your aura.

went to a party with the wife. had a great time. good conversation. drank a lot of beer. ate some pastry puffs with feta and caramalized onion? I paused being social for thirty seconds to lay down this track. switch crooks on plastic trucks to grass and gravel. Rode away clean, surprisingly enough.

TRANZENDENTAL

Duracell batteries. Life just got a little better/crazier bro. You don't need dreadlocks or an FBI snap back, yellow on blue baseball cap to listen to Boogie Down Productions. Chill Collins, "No Mac-10 Required".

Things are different now. Gone are the days of posing in front of untamed drywall with an uzi and sunglasses. But was it all a joke?

There's a lot of talk about West Vs. East and similarly, East Vs. West. I'm a man of many faces and physiques. I've been around the country...and I can honestly say that the East Coast has the best legs of any girl in the world. East wins over wezt, time and time again. I almost hate to feel competitive about it, but southern California is just so sun tanned and gay that I feel I have to put a stake in the ground of reality.

Skating in front of fruit vs skating on hundreds year old rust.

I'm gonna be demoing tomorrow. Just looking to get into some poses.. hunh. Not sure. Yoga skating? Nah, man. He-Man. AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE.

PEACE ON EARTH, ENVIRONMENTS, RELIGION AND PRAISE TO "YEAH MATT."

got re-obsessed with some late 90's to early 2000's east coast hardcore/horror hip hop. Whatever you wanna call it. Never heard that Camu Tao stuff. "Hold the Floor" So good. RIP.

got my new driver's license today. Photo center was mad hot. No ventilation.

The dude asked me if the photo was cool and I was totally, all.. "yeah." My face is fat and I look like a blury version of myself later that day. It's actually a pretty trippy photo. I think they did a great job.

Finger in the Dike, Stop the Leak

I know this is all supposed to be about skateboarding. Deep down inside i want nothing more than switch 180 ollies and slappies to reverts to be the top subjects up for discussion.

I never knew that the french with their awesome breads and cheeses, and the japanese with their technical abilities would shine through the black hole of skateboarding.

All I ever wanted to be was a dutch skateboarder with a penchant for backside 180 nollies followed up closely by fakie 360 shove its. Fakie 360 big spins. Dutch Mafia style.

Next thing I knew I was riding the warped asphalt of Philadelphia, basically surfing the streets, streetstyle.

50 50 grinds were all the rage in 1996.

I bought some Adidas tennis shoes in 1997 and they sucked.

I had a dream about some Addidas with baby blue stripes. They bummed my whole day out. I'm nearing the end of my baby blue phase. Whether or not we'll see a resurgence of olive drab and dark browns and blues, remains to be seen.

Fakie kickflip ala Scott Johnston/Mad Circle, Steeley Dan/Peg

manual to over the shoulder boulder holder

Man, I don't know what this morning will bring, but I most certainly hope it's frontside tailslides to fakies. I was skating through Univ Cit a few ago and when it was warm out. I did shifties all the way up Locust Street, past the fuckin red Dwarf or whatever it's called. Got no beef with that place, but I do have some beef with the VIDEO LIBRARY. I actually didn't mean to have that on caps lock but looking back I think it reiterates the BEEF. Fuck the video libary.

They moved outta town some months back and they were pretty "whatever peasants" about it. I personally looked at the sign on the window, "We moved to 16th and Passyunk, clear across the country of Philadelphia, but, yo, your credit is still good."

All that aside, up the street and to the right from there at 40th and Spruce I was doing half moon manuals on this section of steppage. Semi circle manual, 1/4 switch g-turn, whatever you wanna call it. I may be the only dude manualing this bit 'o slab. I mean, I'm sure there is a dude with flip flops on a long board skating by and not looking at it at all. Maybe that's his version of a skateboard maneuver. Check the fly hun-huns out across the street. Slice of pizza to mid term.

Here's a photo of the sneakers, at FDR. I'm pretty sure it's a secret sign, signaling the various types of drugs you can get at the park. The most popular one seems to be 100% pure adrenalin followed up by a hit of just plain fun.

I celebrated the 50 degree temp and absence of snow on the sidelines with a switch 180 ollie followed by a frontside shuv. I threw in a 180 no comply for good measure.

For dinner I made roasted potatoes, asparagus and buttered round eye steak. It was cool, man.