I wanted to do a Hurricane grind today, but i didn't even try

Well. I've gained about ten more pounds since I first complained about having to change pants and shirt sizes. I didn't even notice. I actually thought maybe I had lost weight. Then I stepped on the scale. After a morning shower I studied myself in the full body mirror. I was full bodied alright. I hopped up and down in place, "jiggle...jiggle...jig-jiggle." I could hear the magic fat. Except.. it wasn't magic at all.

I took some time to stretch and eat a semi healthy breakfast. I made sure not to drink too many beers the night prior. I even watched an old "Cribs" with Rob Dyrdek waxing nostalgic about getting Neil Blender's board after a demo.

I could barely get off the ground. I was able to clear some street obstacles like manhole covers, parking blocks, and discarded chewing gum. I came close to eating pavement on a downhill pop shove it. I was going maybe two miles per hour. It was much easier going uphill.

And I presume that is where my skateboard career is perpetually headed.

My pro heavy-weight model should be out in a couple of months.